The Dream forever and for always

The days are all the same. In the world. And I keep dreaming of you. Only in my dreams, there is no pain! And I cling to them, to these beautiful and pure dreams, for they contain the best of you and me. I don't know how to forget you. I don't even want to. I never wanted to. That's the truth, I'm not going to give up the best of my dreams! If only you answered me, looked for me, sent me a message, shouted your contempt at me, I would have to keep it all in me again! 

My ancestors say you are mine, and God tells me you are! By merit! I deserve your love, I deserve you! And you run away, to another planet, where I am not, where there is someone else, the waitress of the café, the other Machiavellian, bad and hollow people, empty and who add nothing to you! Can't you see that I am the love of your life? Even time hurts with me, for me, the sun hides and the moon, ah, the moon grows and shings, accompanying the outflow of my tears and the star shines intermittently, sometimes revealing, sometimes hiding. There is no human being who knows me as well as you do! I evaluate the pieces of my puzzle and I understand, today, why everything happened this way. 

After losing you, I still went after the band, I still watched shows, with the sound and light technicians, they hid me from the stage and I didn't understand, at the time, in fact, I wanted to understand. So, I saw you again, you on the keyboard, you wearing the clothes I designed for you, her wearing my clothes designed for the stage, Ivo, Brito, our cousin Alcino, on his accordion, Isaac, on his drums, where our son so many times did the sound check, Paulo, on his bass,  I was missing, I didn't want a stage, I was the one who ran away from the lights and followed you with my eyes! Until he confirmed that he was nothing more than a ghost who stubbornly refused to accept that outcome. And I know it was provoked by others, but with our permission. We opened the door to evil, to the intrusion of pseudo-friends, we believed that others were our friends, us! 

I go back to the office, with the souvenir, and there, on top of my desk, are the newly arrived posters of the band, with your photo that I didn't watch and shudder, seeing her handkerchief in your hand. It was a minor detail, and yet it was the last proof that something was wrong. She premeditated everything! With your selfishness! And I come out of the past that has tormented me for so many years, but which justifies the next path. How dare I not fight for you? To hand over our life on a platter, as if it were an ordinary life, our life, according to what she wanted! I am "forced" by my heart to renounce this past, these images, under penalty of continuing to progress the pain in me! 

No more ghosts from the past. I want the present, the today but I want the future with you, I want you in my days, I dream of you all the time and I see your smile and it is what guides me to the future that will come, around the corner, around the corner, around the corner, around the curve of the pains! And that's when I get satiated, in this event that takes place within me! 

Right after the trial I go to the land of Master Saint Germain and then I take a leap to Perpignan, hug my "Almerinda", whom I miss very much and in her, I meet everyone, your father, your mother, Ana, Rosa, the Dauphin, António, Dina, everyone. In it everyone gathers, waiting to see you too. This family is mine, very much mine, always mine. I gained it in heaven when I found you here. David, Xana, Anita, Miguel, sweet Ana, Tonito, Dulcita, Dominique, Everyone inhabits My Universe, living and dead in the same dream! 

And when you left, I didn't give them up, I continued to visit them, to be with them, especially Lina and Almerinda, and I continued to go to Moimenta, to Cabeço de Castelo, peeking at Almerinda's window, looking for their face. At Rosa's house, in a desperation of an end, an end that I did not accept! And everything is in the past and I need to let go of it, because it's painful, but not the characters, those I keep forever. And I still cherish the dream of going back there with you! To enter the kitchen where Almerinda's three-stud pots and crockery inspire me with nutrition and care and love and so much longing!  I'm a hopeless romantic, that's what I am!

Nobody lives on memories, I do. And I put everything away, I wipe away the fat and hot tears that insist on clouding my vision of the future and I jump out of bed, companion of so much pain and I smile at the day, I smile at the birds and the flowers and I tell myself that one day, the pain will end, because I will see you again, or on the other hand,  Because I'm going to give up being here, entering a process of self-destruction. 

Love is what moves me, only it and that love is yours, it is with you, it goes with you everywhere! You are my love! For you, I forget reciprocity, just for you! My love, have a good day, a good life! I kiss your lips and leave you to the world of others!