The bestiary of parasites

 

Each one knows about themselves. From the processes of evolution and regression, from the karmic lessons, from the volte-faces, from the masks he knew and those he had to wear, whether they were as a form of defense or attack, as a way of getting to know the other who expected from us what he himself was or, of course, who expected from us what he already knew, who we evaluated the other by who we are inside. And I talk about this and I can't even stop the half smile, the rise of the upper lip of skepticism, of the lower lip, in a clown's curvature. Yes, I always compared who I was through an invisible thread that ended in feedback. I give what I am, because others are like me. The others are like me. And I repeat, adding, how much better it would have been, especially for me, if others were like me. The harmony of this phrase and its untruth pulsating together. Who would be the idiot who would dare to believe in this impossible synchronicity of the other being my mirror, what I reflect inside comes from outside!? And that's really how it should work, the currency of exchange. But, my dears, not even the currency of exchange is reflected on the same side. On one side the heads and on the other the tails. Duality. Either you attract to yourself what you are or what you fear! If you have experienced difficult, contradictory, adversarial circumstances, it was because you needed to learn something from them, to grow emotionally, mentally, intellectually. And this is not always the case. Some of us, and I quote myself, (but I still believe that there are many like me) who, lived their crossroads, who won their battles through the fall-up-and-fall-again. Some of us don't learn. Often, the universe, the source that promotes the lessons, in the face of the stubbornness of the learner, brings together new "afflictions", new situations that promote learning. Am I stupid or generous? Am I a sucker or am I stubborn? Because, when our nature is faithful to what we carry, many of us insist on believing in the feedback that does not happen, or, on the other hand, happens on the extreme side. And this thermal shock breaks the stubbornness, just like soft water on hard stone, so much so that it hits until it pierces. The persistence of water, first in circumventing, then in insisting and then in breaking barriers, this is the phenomenon that, extrapolated to planetary nature, could be called a dam, a dike, a tidal wave, a tsunami, in short, which we all know for its violence and magnitude. The waters are temperate, except at the poles. And if at the extreme pole on the one hand you have apathy and constant generosity, on the other you have the rupture with the prevailing forms. I'm at the poles. The balance is in the middle. It was my stubbornness in obeying the internal clock that made me go to the extreme. Or God, if you prefer. I'm a human goddess who has given up on feedback. I'm the empath who has lost her fear and no longer attracts narcissists. Who does not insist on toxic connections, who gives up on the inhumanity of others. I don't care where everyone wants to go. I focus on myself and that has become of great interest to me. I who deserved to look in the mirror and see my reflection, from stubbornly insistent and persistent in the generalized good, now looks at herself, lingers and improves herself. I am not referring to the physical mirror, but to the internal one. In both, I learned to prioritize myself over any and all human beings around me. Including my children. I do not include animals or trees, I am responsible for the survival of those who depend on me, those who do not depend on them, their choice. Each one will reap what he sows. It doesn't matter what you teach those you educate and for which you once made yourself responsible, it matters to them, what each one will reap will be the result of maturity and priorities and choices. Today I am my first choice. The best version of me. What I invested in others, I decided to invest in myself, and so it will be from now on! Make way for me to pass. Grow. I did not come into the world to please you, nor to be seduced, I did not come to compete, but to add to something that justifies my human effort. Make way for me that I don't want you anywhere close, that I didn't come to belong to a man or group that sodomizes me, that I didn't come to be mistreated or undeserved. I have so much to do. The traps that you have for me, each one of you, you are hostages of them and also farmers of the consequences. Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's. 

I was used by the most diverse actors in different spheres. I always knew that there was human misery, far beyond physical misery. The internal one. What I didn't know was that they could reach vortices and that I would be a witness and victim of the strangest juggling. Today I become responsible for the paths I once chose, but I wasn't wrong to be human. On the contrary, you in your affective miserability and exacerbated selfishness, yes.  I underestimated the evil that exists in the human condition. I'm not one for misery. I am of abundances and prosperity, of benignities and structural conjunctures, I am of crescendos and apotheoses of the good. And against the bestiary of humanity that I have known, my rebuttal is written and signed. Do not pass you if you measure with me, compare yourself in your monstrous superficiality and coldness to those I have given you of me. And even so, they did not manage to exterminate my human nature. I'm the same, inside. I just don't accept the bestiary with me anymore. Lesson learned. Your illusion is perennial, my empathy is not. Continues.